Copper & Salt
by pinkydog123
Summary: Bella's been a vampire for decades when she runs into her Sire so - why doesn't she remember him? E/B AU/All things Vampirism.
1. Chapter 1

Dirt, grime, rust and salt.

Iron, rust and salt.

The smells had become more then just familiar, they had embedded themselves within my granite skin, scraping themselves into the very flesh, too beautiful on the outside to show what was harbored in the inside, what I really was.

Water.

It was no longer used for quenching thirst, mere hydrogen and oxygen couldn't extinguish the flames lapping in my throat as if tearing through the tissue and muscle, the fire tormenting and demanding until it received what it desired.

Not me – the animal – I hardly controlled my actions anymore.

Perfume, floral and bitter to taste, too strong to the sensitive nose, jasmine, lily, nectar, ginger and Seed Aurantium Dulcis, the solution to make the artificial scent.

Like the mind I seemed unable to control.

The flesh, the oil, the sweat.

It was all so overwhelming, the fumes permitting the air as if I bathed in them, it would only be futile to deny them, the taste, the smell, the urge, the thrill.

The inevitability.

It was all so satisfying, the adrenaline now coursing through my lethal venom filled veins, giving me the necessary energy I needed to hunt, to devour the prey I now stalked.

The slick wet cobble stones smelled of age and moss, noisy as the preys feet collided with the rock, patience…most likely the anticipation would be more satisfying then the liquor tainted blood of this stranger.

My nostrils flared, the blood pumped slow and steady, the heartbeat constant, but fatigued, it was a wonder how it managed to pull one foot in front of the other.

Idiot. Walking the lonely streets on its own, and at this time.

London was not safe in places such as this.

And it will learn its lesson, far too late to correct its error.

Rust and Salt.

The unforgiving December wind blew through the surrounding buildings and deserted streets, now, it would happen now.

The muscles in my thighs worked and burned as I sprang, my patience was quickly gone, just as it rarely came, normally I would've dragged my meal off, but no, I instantly sunk my teeth into the tender, soft skin, tasting of bittersweet lotion and the unforgettable taste of salty sweat.

Rust. Tangy and tart.

A groan ripped through my chest as the warm liquid flooded down my throat. _Yes._

The shocked, surprised yelp was quickly covered by my too strong hand, too overwhelmed by needed pleasure and relief, my fingers breaking the jaw as my hand clamped too hard.

Oh well, it would die soon.

Usually I would've killed the body first, a quick snap of the vertebrae, preferably neck, then thirst, but a craving need filled me to feel the flailing limbs vainly pound themselves against my unyielding, inhumanly strong frame, trying to fight back, only added to the pleasure, their warmth enveloping me as it filled me for moments.

_Warmth._

The body withered and sobbed against me, their attempts weakening as the heartbeat slowed and as time ticked by.

Rust and Salt.

The last drops trailed down the now pale white skin, gray and sickly, the color of mine.

Dead.

My tongue greedily darted out to lick the remains, indulging myself in the final taste, until the next night at least.

Not two yards away, the sewer plate was lifted effortlessly, the corpse quickly discarded.

The routine was hardly an effort in itself. A complete bore.

I felt renewed and alive, the victims blood coursing through me, as if I really were living as if my heart would start beating, the warmth filling my muscles, making them stronger, filling the tissue, almost down to the unbreakable bone marrow.

Usually my corpses were male; usually my job was done a lot cleaner.

Not tonight. Tonight I was feeling greedy.

Perhaps another. I mused.

I wiped my unmarred lips of crimson blood and silver venom, swallowing down the thick metallic froth that always produced so much while feeding, forcing the tedious task to hold it back while eating.

I wished to kill them, not make them into one of my own.

With no signs of discovery, I stalked off into the night almost disappointed no one saw, it would've been the perfect excuse to have another, the muscles in my back and neck clenched at the thought, an unpleasant feeling of thirst, but the act was…unfathomable.

There were hardly descriptions.

The smell wafted off my clothes, drying metal and salt all over my sweater, old - I need to change. The girl was too chubby to change into her clothes to begin with; I need tight, fitting, alluring. These humans only wasted their worthless time with people who looked _appealing_. The males, especially.

It would be simple to break into a side shop, too bad it wouldn't be wise to feed on the owner, that would most surely cause suspicion, no, I'd have to use currency, something I had abundantly, but hardly used all the same, only in situations such as this.

Money – the first thing these creatures cherished, valued – some almost as much as blood was to us.

I don't even remember being a human myself, something's I will never understand about their kind.

**+- - - - - - - - -+**

At least they were controllable, drunk that's how I picked them, the sun had set yet again signaling for the fun to begin.

My fun. Terror for others.

"Care for a drink?" alcohol, lime, and citrus, with a touch of salt.

I could care less for his breath, but his _throat, _which was something else entirely to take in, this one, I pick this one, poor bastard, he had no clue who he was toying with. All he wanted was a lay, I mused, I was in the mood, and perhaps he'd get his wish.

Excellent. He sensed nothing.

The bastard's instincts weren't even helping him, and if that were the truth, nothing would help him now.

Perfect.

His arousal was evident, his sweat filling the space; he would be just too easy.

"I don't want a drink." I whispered, his head leaning in closer to hear me properly, his posture all too eager to get closer when he really should stay away. My lips were inches from his and he wasted no time, laying his hands on my hips, the only thing separating him from me was the tiny piece of fabric that they called a dress that I stole at the store.

"What _do_ you want?" his voice husky and thick, walking right in to where I wanted him. I felt playful and I felt his erection jab into my stone stomach. His appearance was fine to human standards, perhaps I would have him longer, I craved relief and release but most of all I craved the thick warm blood pulsing through his veins, through the jugular on the side of his throat, his moist hot heart beating frantically in his ribcage.

Very, unlucky for him.

Without answering I dragged him to the back door and into the side alley, everyone else too caught up in there petty lives to notice our departure, the alley was dark and out of view to any pedestrians walking by, out of ear-shot, well, couldn't be sure, but the urge for people to hear his cries only excited me more.

His eyes were almost as dilated, as I'm sure mine were in the night – but both of our desires differing, mine, more deadly. I took the formality of hungrily crashing our lips, my tongue thrusting roughly into the searing hot cavern of his mouth, his frame jolting backwards his mind noticing the extreme temperature difference, I'm sure. But these men, were way too greedy, he ignored one alarm in his head telling him I was lethal, only interested in one thing.

Idiot.

I shoved him against the brick wall with a thud, I didn't want to break his spine, I hadn't finished yet.

His moist wet and supple lips trailed down my neck, the perfect opportunity to tear through his belt, my patience falling swiftly.

I laughed as he placed sucking kisses across my arctic skin, stone cold compared to his, he had no clue what was about to happen, he groaned as I tore away his jeans, no briefs underneath, and he cried out as I gripped him, his moist breath hot and searing against my ear, quickly dissolving my resolve.

He shivered and withered in my hold, my hand making a fist over his erection, hot and pulsing and throbbing with blood. I licked at sweat collection by his collarbone, my body throbbing with his heart, in rhythm to his pulse. I let his hands grip my thighs, sliding the tight silk up my hips, revealing the apex of my legs, I allowed him to hitch my naked leg to his waist but I grew impatient and thrusted onto his body, my hips snapping forward, his body slamming into the wall with force.

He panted, sucking on the skin of my throat.

But my nose trailed amongst the side of his neck, my waist and hips not stopping, almost too fast for him to keep up.

I couldn't take it anymore, the pulling of his heart, the only thing that was audible in my ears. With ease I found the right spot of skin directly over his jugular, the biggest artery in the body and expertly sunk my teeth in, slipping in as if through butter. His groans and cries suddenly turned into ones of pain, he withered not in pleasure, but burning agony. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as his thick life force smoothed down my esophagus, leaving his body, instantly soothing the burn. I thrust my hips forward and climaxed, with both pleasures, leaving his body and I quickly finished the job, smoothing down my dress, his body slipping down the wall, falling with a thud.

I stretched my warm muscles, knots disappearing as I flexed my back and legs, as a feline would after a nap.

"Well done."

My head jerked in the direction of the velvet voice, the familiar scent causing my nostrils to flare violently, animalisticly.

A growl building in my chest as a black figure emerged from the alley.

A flicker of light shined through, the crimson eyes of another their hands clapping mockingly through the deserted and filthy alley.

"So – it is you – who is terrorizing London, hm?"

The man made his appearance, skin no doubt ghostly white – almost gray in the shining moonlight. Clad in black slacks and black sweater, his form almost sticking to the shadows expertly – used to sneaking around before the kill.

My head cocked slightly to the side, my long mahogany hair following in suit, my eyes moving up his body.

"You do not remember." He mused, to himself almost with a slight frown afterward.

My eyebrows flared, the flawless – smooth skin of my forehead now wrinkled in annoyance and confusion.

"You're too late – he's devoid of blood and you're luck of sharing is thin – being as I don't know who you are." I sneered, making my way around him.

To hell with this creature if he thought he would receive an easy meal through me. Damn him.

"If you haven't already realized this, we are already damned."

I stopped. How –

His smile was smug, but still soft.

"And you've forgotten your shield."

"What the hell have you been talking about?"

In on stride his hands cupped my head before I could escape.

I gasped as a flash of my form came into view, but my cheeks were red, not pale white, and instead of having blood crimson eyes, they were chestnut brown, light. Then the image switched to the man now in front of me, his fangs bared, piercing through skin. My skin.

My head then went blank, back to normal.

I tore myself away from his grasping hands, away from him, my head pulsing and throbbing with his images as he forced them into my mind.

This man.

My creator.

* * *

_**Kind of random on my part, I was listening to Breaking Benjamin's Album 'Phobia' when this plot surfaced, I've been wanting to write a vampire story, since there aren't really a lot here on if you really look for one, and this plot is different, I'd like to think, tell me what you think of this, and I'll continue.**_

_**I have about 7 chapters already written, and I have 17 written for Impossible, so if I don't update in a while just know that I'm most likely writing more chapters while I have inspiration and the ideas in my head, the thoughts come up randomly and wherever there's a piece a paper I start writing before they escape.  
**_

_**Tell me what you think. Reviews are lovely. **_


	2. Chapter 2

I stood there, stuck in an empty alley no one but this…creature, apparently the one who had made me this, the way I was now.

Why I drank blood.

Why I couldn't reveal myself in sunlight.

Why my features were struck with inhuman beauty.

Why my granite skin couldn't be marred.

Everything, he was the cause.

Why I lived when I was supposed to be dead.

"Ah – there we are." I jumped as his velvet voice broke the silence between the dark spaces between us. Of course it wasn't silence, I could hear the distant call of an owl not far off, the whining of a starving cat rummaging through garbage cans, the patter of rodents in the sewage.

"You _hadn't_ forgotten the shield, I see." He added in a somewhat satisfied tone.

"Shield?" my voice a hoarse whisper.

He nodded, stepping closer.

"A defense mechanism you're gifted with – a very rare one I dare say."

My throat convulsed as I swallowed back venom that seeped from the glands that had been embedded in the muscle since the very beginning. My right hand trailed the length of my collarbone until it rested on the left side of my neck, where he had bitten me from the images he had forced into my head, feeling the smooth flawless texture of my skin, but then, sure enough I found a spot smoother then the others, this, pearl, polished and velvet rather then stone, it was smoother and cooler then the rest of my flesh around it, and probably on my whole body.

His eyes glazed over in agreement, where his teeth had sunk in, where they pierced the flesh and where he had deprived me life.

"You killed me." I stated rather bluntly, running my fingers continuously over the same spot.

A smile of amusement appeared,

"You're correct."

But anger and loathing filled my every limb, my emotions unstable and fragile, changing whichever way in a matter of seconds.

"You stole everything." My fists balling at my sides, my muscles coiling – preparing for a fight,

The amusement only grew on his face.

"As you have stole this man's life right from under him – I'm sure he'd be complaining too if he wasn't lying here like a discarded animal carcass, with no other purpose but to be fed upon, yes how horrible." He quipped, his voice mocking while his hands folded neatly behind his back.

I didn't care about the corpse; this was my life, a damned one.

"But, of course he got the easy way out." He added, mirroring my thoughts.

I shook my head, I didn't know this man's name and I was wasting my time, there was no use in killing him – unless I wanted to, he would be a challenge for once.

He took one step as I took my strike even if he was like me, it was still so sudden he didn't even see it coming.

I should've known it was a mistake.

His good -natured expression instantly fell, a sneer replacing it, throwing me back against the wall of the alley, cracking and dismantling some of the brick. Before I could react his body was crushing mine, his chest pushed tightly to my own, our heavy, unnecessary breaths filling the spaces in the dark.

His hold reminded me of the one I had forced on the now dead man lying in a heap, forgotten not ten feet away from our struggle.

I back pedaled when his lips were suddenly, forcefully smashed onto mine, I yielded by sheer shock and surprise, by the anger, sadness, and frustration he poured into the rough kiss, even depression and betrayal, it was all there. His teeth snapped against my lips causing me to cry out, the irony that I had this same exact hold on another not moments ago did not fall on deaf ears.

His hold on my waist constricted and I whimpered to this stranger, to a creature I didn't know or want to, to my creator.

"Kiss me back, just don't stand there." He growled dangerously thrusting his hips forward, another gasp falling from my lips, feelings building up inside me that I had never experienced before, and yet felt so familiar. My gut twisted and knotted, my head fuzzy and the very nerves under my skin felt as if they were on fire. I was burning again, from the first day I remember, before it turned black yet again, when I was 'reborn'.

"Show me what you had done to that worthless human, what I had watched, show me." He almost yelled.

When his lips finally lifted off of me I was able to think, to react. Finally, able to use all the strength that had lain dormant in my muscles for so long, I gripped his arms painfully hard and shoved him against the opposite wall, this time he had broken through. Not a minute longer, I sprinted from the alley, I was not about to be taken advantage of by a man, only I did that.

Twenty blocks down I was finally reaching the outskirts, but metal slate arms wrapped around me in an iron hold, crushing my ribs to my lungs, so I couldn't yelp in surprise.

I was thrown to the damp and muddy ground, completely ruining the dress, tearing across my abdomen by a boulder, not marring my skin in the slightest, for the dress, well I couldn't say the same thing. I was flipped on my back the animal straddling me, pinning my arms to the dirt, he was faster then me and stronger, beyond my match.

"Get your hands off me." I barked, a piercing scream leaving my lips in sheer frustration, echoing in the dreary night, the moon no longer shining, dark clouds had concealed it long ago. His unforgiving hands grasped my wrists in one, pulling them behind me, the other covering over my mouth.

"You should've thought of that sooner – before you laid yours on me." He whispered menacingly against my left ear, his breath blowing across the side of my face, coming out in short pants, even to my reluctance, it caused my back to arch, my insides tearing apart by – desire.

I glared up at him with all the hatred and loathing I could gather and with one shove of my knee into the apex of his thighs he was doubling over, my assumption correct – even after the change, it still remained the most sensitive.

I made my escape.

At least I thought.

"Bastard." I grunted, his hands pinning mine behind my back.

"Your not getting away from me so easily." He murmured, sucking my left earlobe into his mouth, a shiver running up my spine, his chest rumbled with his chuckles.

"If I ever did run away from you, I can see why." I whispered with as much acid I could put into my words.

These must've been the magic words, striking a chord, his arms instantly fell limp to his sides and I immediately spun around, my foot coming into contact with his chest. The air whooshed from his lungs as he fell on his back to the ground; I smirked, gaining the upper hand. My steps were slow and somewhat smug, I had won, he had yielded.

His face no longer showed anger and rage, instead it was a mask devoid of any emotion, down to the creases in his porcelain skin, nothing.

I slammed my foot into his chest, how dare he attack and grope me, kiss me, no one did unless I so wished. But he did nothing, he turned his head to the side, as if ashamed, what a bizarre thing he was. His mood swings were more changing then my own. He lay there, motionless, his eyes unmoving, frustrating me.

He was stone.

"Say something." I growled.

Then – then he glanced up at me.

"You've said enough, enough to which I have nothing say." Was his only statement, I huffed. But before he grabbed my foot, twisting and leaving me to spiral to the ground. His body was over mine in an instant, his frame hovering over mine. I hissed and he just stared.

"Who are you?" I asked in exasperation and anger.

"You should remember." He scolded, and I punched him, pushing him off me, I would not have him on top of me and angry, or period.

"Why would you come and find me just to scoff at me and drag me in the mud?" I sneered, standing up – trying to smooth down my hair, growling once I found mud. I turned around to spite him – only to find him pacing about this godforsaken clearing. Nothing but a field! And I was wasting my time here! With a creature I had no clue of ever meeting! Or knowing for that matter!

He tore his fingers through now I noticed as bronze colored strands, peculiar it nothing else. His eyes, crimson like any other.

I had only crossed paths with two other vampires in the century I 'lived'. This - thing being the third, technically my first, but never mind, something I can't even remember.

My nostrils flared, the muscles in my neck and throat already convulsing.

Metal and Salt. Sweet and tangy, and delicious.

I always considered fair game if ever a human was on the outskirts, usually I only went with one every few nights, unless I felt greedy, but if they were stupid enough to be out here this late, alone. Well, then I took it in my hands to just take care of it.

And they weren't far.

I stalked southwest, ready to hunt, to kill, but the same iron like grip made its way around my waist – I was getting sick of this.

"Damnit Bella."

My body stiffened, he knew my name – but I had no idea of his?

My elbow shot back, landing in his gut and he let me go, my form automatically shooting forward. Who was he to tell me when to feed?

When the girl came into view I was ready to leap.

"No."

I was slammed into a near by tree trunk, the bark snapping and groaning by the force. I snarled. His cold hard face hissed back at me with disgust and disdain. And I gasped in sheer confusion, but his gaze turned and he trudged the last fifty yards, kneeling down to talk to the little girl.

I growled and stood up, I was out of here, this psycho, I wanted no part.

I let in an all out sprint, knowing I could probably escape without leaving my scent behind, at least not long enough so it'd linger.

Finally I was free of whatever _he _was.

- - - - - - - - -

Charlotte, Anne, Emily.

Which one to choose? Surely I had read each the same amount of times.

I huffed and collapsed onto a lounge couch, pleased when it only creaked and didn't break under the weight and force of the impact, it happened so many times, and this was starting to be my favorite chair.

This was the worst part – the pure boredom that crept and stayed as it pleased, remaining for perhaps days at a time. My hands twitched and my ears perked at the distant sound of someone approaching with swift and deliberate steps, set on one destination.

Vampire.

A vampire that knew where I lived, which wasn't a vampire _I_ knew.

I had told no one of my residence in the forest, completely secluded and cut off from anything and everything.

No land-line, no electricity – after all I didn't need lights.

And I preferred to roam during the night, away from here, usually around high-populated areas, consisting of cities or distant villages for a change in scenery and taste.

A growl burst forth when my sub-conscious picked up the scent immediately.

_Him. _

I made sure he wouldn't be able to follow. How could he possibly know?

His steps slowed before coming to a complete stop, circling the perimeter of the clearing surrounding the cottage.

He wanted _me_ to come out, that – was just no going to happen, he could play his little game, that didn't mean I was going to follow or cooperate, why should I when he would just end up attacking me again? Or try shoving his hips into mine again or lay his lips on mine. I had no desire to play along.

The sun fell and rose before I heard a knock on the door, such a formality,

I had to laugh. Some of us just didn't have the patience for formalities – especially how my throat was beginning to light aflame.

"Speak with me." He all but insisted.

The level of mentality he had lowered each time he made an action of opened his mouth, what did he expect? That I'd do anything or everything he asked or wished?

I snorted. Something I made sure he heard.

I heard wind move and then settle.

"Then I have no choice but to let myself in."

A snarl escaped as my frame whirled around to face him in _my _sitting room. I pounced, sending both our bodies out the nearest window and into the wet grass.

"Jesus, would you stop attacking me?" he grunted.

I froze above him.

"What!? _I _keep attaching _you_!?"

He pretended to think about it for a moment and then nodded.

"Of course I have pretty good damn enough reasons." I sneered, slamming his back further into the dirt, turning up the soil - this creature could rot for all that I damn well cared.

"Would you hold at least one conversation civilly?" he growled, my hands going to his throat just aching to rip it out.

"So far – you've given me no reason to trust you, why would I waist my time?" which was absolutely true.

"And I you." He struggled, my grip tightening, another grunt making its way through his lips.

But then I sighed – if he wanted to flip me over, he would have – I knew that much by now. If he wanted to fight, he probably would've hit me already.

I would keep that in mind.

With great reluctance I lifted myself off him.

"Ah – good." He sighed, his nimble fingers smoothing over his neck.

"What is that you want?" I asked impatiently.

"You do not remember me?" he began.

"No." I answered bluntly – and why would I even want to? There was nothing charming – attractive – pleasant – tolerable – appealing or even standing about him.

He breathed out at this.

"Name." I decided to start, surprisingly, he relented.

"Edward Anthony Masen. Now Edward Cullen."

I quirked and eyebrow.

"Elaborate." I all but demanded.

"Changed it for reasons I've told you once before."

"No you haven't." Trying to panel back, trying to remember if I ever knew a vampire with brown hair teased with red, the same as his eyes.

"Yes. Isabelle Marie Swan."

I couldn't help but stand and stare, why couldn't I remember it? Any of it? He walked up to me then his hands lifted to the sides of my temples before saying.

"May I?"

"No. I don't want you touch me again."

He let out a strangled groan, "At least I asked, let me show you, like I had the other night."

Only because he wasn't acting arrogant and only because he actually did ask for my permission this time, I caved in.

"Fine." I stated, crossing my arms over my chest like a pouty human child. His large but soft palms cupped each side of my head – his long fingers coursing through the hair tumbling from the temples.

But unlike the night before – no images appeared, my mind remained blank, vision, clear. A growl escaped his perfectly red lips, a surprising contrast to the pale skin of his face, only days before they had been mine, I scowled. His eyes fluttered closed, brow creasing, appearing to be in concentration.

"Damn it all to hell – I'm going to have to teach you all over again."

"What?" I asked breathily.

"The shield that is cage over your mind, for some reason, you've unknowingly shut it since our last meeting."

I snorted, "I wonder why." His eyes narrowed, dark burgundy, menacing.

I stared right back.

"Now, if it isn't too much trouble, would you mind relishing me, if you please?" I sneered, my lips twisting into a scowl.

"Why are you being so difficult." He grunted, turning his back to me, I pretended to think for a minute.

"Hm, maybe because you keep giving me riddled half-assed answers? I've no damn clue why your even here to begin with."

His shoulders rose – high to his ears almost, remaining silent, he shook his head.

"Bella – "

"Don't call me that."

Edward whirled around, his stare blazing and unforgiving.

"I will call you whatever I damn well please, your lucky, its not a line of profanities you've had me to my damn wits end you do."

My whole body burned with rage if I still had blood in me I'm sure my face would be full of it, showing its true rich scarlet color. He sought out me!

"Oh! Damn you to fiery hell, you, you bloody snake eyed bastard! I've a mind to throw you over the white cliffs of Dauber myself! _I'm_ difficult!?"

This only made him double over in laughter; I hugged, crossing my arms under my breasts.

"That – that sure is lovely, I should just about get on your bad side whenever I can." He bellowed, but I smacked that smile right off, gladly stalking over to give him a left hook to his too perfect, too angular, and too sharp jaw.

This time he doubled over on the ground, his back landing in the mud.

I straddled his chest, my hands once again caging around that pale throat of his.

"Hm – this looks quite familiar to me, wouldn't you say?" I mused, cocking my head innocently to the side, I was starting to love this position, now if only I could squeeze the life out of him.

"Now, where were we?"

"You were just about to let him go."

My head whipped to the side, across the clearing.

Idiot.

* * *

_**Tell me who you think it is, its probably obvious, but I want to know what you guys think who it is.  
**_

_**I'll probably be writing Bella and Edward more controlled by their emotions, I'd imagine Vampires less in control, I don't think they would be able to stay calm and act 'humanly' as easy as SM wrote them, no offense, I love her books, and she gets all credit to the characters, I'm just making things different. **_

_***Fireflies by Owl City* **_

_**Awesome song.**_

_**Reviews are lovely, and I know how opinionated you guys are, don't be shy. **_

**Review. Please. With sugar on top.**

**Thanks.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**BPOV**

"You were just about to let him go."

My head whipped to the side.

Idiot, I had been too occupied concentrating on the blundering knot-head underneath me that I completely let go of other senses, ones to avoid this happening-someone sneaking up on me. This man held up his hands in peace, his just about bleach blonde hair blinding with sunlight practically bouncing off the silk strands.

I felt my eyes rake down his body, not bad, I mused.

Vamp.

I had only met two in the whole hundred years I remember and now it seemed like I was meeting a new on every day-each increasing in appearance.

"This, your lover coming to save you?" I quipped down at him, his eyes never leaving mine. In the human blink of an eye, I was twisted this way and that so Edward stood and I, sprawled on the ground, our positions switched.

"No. I've very well capable of holding my own thank you." he made a show of sweeping the dust off his wool jacket. I huffed, sitting up. I gazed over at Blondie, finding amusement in his eyes but then Penny over there shook his head, the luminous gleam following as a frown took hold of his luscious lips.

Were there no answers?

Now I felt like an ignorant child with two parents who kept secrets from them and told them nothing of what was.

He turned his stare back to me, his face a mask, devoid of emotion, and then he looked back to the man with sun-dyed hair as if they were having a silent conversation. I huffed, well if they were going to ignore me _after he _requested to speak with me, the I would take my leave. But as I made my way towards my now hole covered sanctuary -

"Bella - wait."

I felt a warm hand gently cup my wrist and by sheer surprise to contrast to what I had been used to, turned.

Blondie.

"Would you come back with us? And give Edward here a chance to explain? I'm sure your beyond confused at this point - yes?"

This ones charm was definitely more redeeming then penny pea - brain over there. I shrugged why not? He was gorgeous, I could try my luck with the more composed one that's for sure. He actually knew how to charm. I'll take him.

"My name is Carlisle by the way, in case you were curious."

**- - - * - - - **

Well, they fared better then I.

Their accommodations seemed to fit a lot better for us, someone who would surely stick around longer. The sitting room itself was huge, high ceilings not forgotten and spacious windows, lighting, abundant. I felt out of place lounging on the clean and well kept furnishings.

I let out a breath of air, scratching at the dirt still in my hair from the annoying creature that would just not leave me alone.

Four days ago I wouldn't take shit from any blood source found, and now this? I was wasting my time waiting for a stranger to explain something that would probably just end up being bizarre and out of mind. Then their voices filled the air - not even taking care to hide them at least _he_ wasn't.

"I don't understand - I cant see why she doesn't remember!"

"Now - calm, Edward we'll figure it out, there is a reason I'm sure, there's just the matter of finding out what could have cause this." That was Carlisle, his voice calculated and smooth the lunatic - well, not so much, and that putting it lightly.

"What could be the cause?! I mean, she runs and then I end up finding her again in an alleyway, like this?!"

"Shh, can most likely hear us right now, we'll talk about this later." Carlisle wasn't an idiot, you could tell that much.

A few moments passed until they cam down from the stairs.

"Now Bella, from what Edward has told you, you at least know the just, am I correct?"

I nodded at this, patience already thread thin.

"Why is it gone? Why cant I obviously not remember you two? I don't think I would've been able to forget you." looking over at Carlisle, he smiled pointy at this, only for the viper to growl deep in his throat.

"What are you, a damn dog?"

I got a snicker out of Carlisle, _him _glaring at him for it. He gave a silent apology covering his lips with his hand to hide a smile.

"We would like you to stay with us, after all, Edward did bring you in this world - it would be indecent to send you on your way when you can live way past comfort here." Carlisle stared down the mongrel.

"We?" I asked skeptically.

"Yes." They said in unison.

Hell - the house was anything but a shack Penny would get annoying but I had the chance of sharing a room next to Blondie, benefits were looking bright. I mused.

"Okay." I shrugged, leaning back in the couch, the vinyl smooth against my own perfect, granite skin.

"And while you stay, Edward and I would like to work with you, he informed me that you also lost the ability and memory to form the shield around your mind, a very rare talent, or diminish it for that matter, your very rare power could be very useful in the future, you would only benefit from learning how to do it again."

I nodded. No harm.

"Excellent, well I must go, I'm late to work."

"Work?" I asked astonished, what a waist of time.

"Yes, I'm a doctor at the county hospital in London, good day."

My eyebrows rose as Carlisle left.

And then there were two.

My glare immediately fell to him, but he just sighed. No fun.

"There are plenty of rooms for you to pick from, choose what suits you the most." With that he left me alone to fend for myself.

Wonderful.

I wondered the grounds aimlessly, never once running into the now sulking child, only the more grateful that I never did. My last stop was what appeared to be an office, the whole room aligned with towering bookshelves, something I could occupy myself with.

"Ah - yes, I had a feeling you would find the library."

I whirled to see Carlisle at the door wondering how he always managed to sneak up on me.

"Is this yours?" I motioned to the room.

"Yes." he nodded softly, entering the room, his eyes alight with shine. And that's when I noticed his irises weren't red or crimson, not even scarlet, or the muddled burgundy when we hadn't fed for a while. They were butterscotch, a caramel, a striking light brown, complimenting the brilliance of his hair, deliciously disheveled from a day of working.

Without thought I stepped closer, my palm cupping his cheek as I inched to look, his expression amused by the one I'm sure on my face.

"How - "

"The blood of animals." he answered simply, automatically.

"What?" I cocked my head to the side, smiling, thinking I probably heard wrong, animal blood? The concept was too funny, too absurd, I'd never heard such a thing. His smile brightened.

"Instead of slaughtering humans for my petty needs I feed on animals for the alternative."

I shook my head, they were just odd in general, the Cullens.

"That sounds so…disgusting and unsatisfying." I trailed off.

"It gets the job done without killing people." he merely shrugged.

I shook my head, "Why deny who you are?"

"Because it's the wrong thing to do, it the thing I don't want to be."

"Then why let another creature you live with do it." I insisted, demanding a sane answer, one that made sense.

"Edward? He's trying to switch, frustrated from the beginning about it, that one." the his beautiful eyes sparked, "So can you - "

"That is not going to happen." I cut in, his eye grow dark.

"Then you would rather kill? And split families? Tear a person away from life? A spouse? Mother? Father? Sister? Brother?" At first I watched him in his intensity and passion for his debate, but I shrugged, never taking it in that kind of perspective, was they guy I fucked the other a husband? He only deserved his fate if he would so easily commit adultery.

I stepped closer - his dim look only the more alluring, my lips inches from his, I suddenly got a fun idea.

"I'll make a deal." I decided, my other arm draping over his other shoulder, our bodies closer, chests touching.

"Okay." he nodded, playing along.

I pretended to think for a moment.

"If, I follow you on your diet, something - Edward - has trouble with, then you have to kiss me." I informed him, my lips a whisper from his, hell, I was going to kiss him regardless, whether he agreed or not. Without my petty challenge.

Without a thought my lips pressed against his, my arms tightened around him, he relented his arms enveloping me in a long kiss, sweet and deep. The first thing that came to mind was delicious, his lips steady and slow, and sensual. His breath sweet and potent, even if he did feed on animal blood, fanning against my face, my fingers raked and tangled through his silk hair.

But even as the kiss lasted I couldn't keep Edward's face from my head, this one lacked the raw, primal urge it evoked in me, there was more feeling with the dunder-head unfortunately.

Now, the fire or the sensation of spiders crawling all over my skin was not present, the no mind, no breath wasn't there.

It was nice don't get me wrong.

Why was I thinking this.

Copper not sunlight.

Raw Crimson not smooth butterscotch.

That's when I heard a throat being unnecessarily cleared from the doorway.

Carlisle pulling back. But I didn't bother to. Let him see.

I looked over Carlisle's sturdy shoulder to see Edwards frame leaning against the threshold, his expression none too pleasant, his posture stiff. Carlisle smirked with high amusement, walking out of my hold with ease, I pouted as he made his way behind his desk.

"I see you two are enjoying yourselves." he growled, his bright scarlet eyes alight with devilish hot flames.

"Quite." I quipped, crossing my arms under my breasts, _he_ was acting too much like a child. But he barely acknowledged me, his whole concentration was on Carlisle, chuckling in his overstuffed desk chair.

"Bella, why don't you run off, I believe Edward wishes to discuss something with me."

I huffed and skulked off, refusing to make eye contact as I brushed past him, in the doorway, gasping in both surprise and frustration as a shot of fire crushed my insides as I did so, but I ignored it, it was nothing to my importance.

It was nothing. There was nothing.

**EPOV**

A fire burned inside me that I could not comprehend, worse then when I had been reborn. My fingers gripped my forearms tightly, unsuccessfully tearing through the impenetrable stone that was disguised as my skin.

I slammed the door shut, so hard it cracked through he door jam and the archway, permanently destroying the wood, no longer a door.

_You're over reacting. _

"I'll act whichever way I see fit." I growled.

Carlisle rolled his eyes at this, only flaring my anger mixed with raw and true disgust. To see his tongue shoved down her throat like it was, I wanted to rip him apart with my hands, I would if we didn't have so much history.

_It was a test. _

"A test!?" I roared, throwing my arms I the air.

He stood automatically at this.

"Oh hush!" he rounded the desk to step in front of me.

_Did you see what room she picked?_

I sighed, the muscles in my body coiling, still prepared for a fight, the possessive side aching to tear off each one of his limbs.

"Yes."

He nodded satisfied. _Her sub-conscious still remembers without her own knowledge. _

"So there's hope." I conclude more to myself, remembering the room she had excitedly chosen long ago - begging me to order furniture to suit her and I better.

"Things that weren't so depressing." I whispered, Carlisle simply nodded.

_The Bella now may have resorted to me but her sub-conscious told her it wasn't the same, her feeling for you may be buried deep, but they are still there. _

"A test." I repeated, thinking about what he had done, and what he was saying, letting it all…sink in.

_Perhaps if you approached her with more finesse…_

I groaned, "You know she has always been a spit fire."

Carlisle chuckled.

_Yes, I remember all too well. _

I collapsed onto the leather couch near his desk.

"How long then?" I asked, my head collapsing into my hands, becoming weary, if she didn't like me now how would she grow to love me a second time?

She hated me. She despised me.

_Well, you weren't really helping things with your temper. _As if he could really read my mind.

"She's so stubborn!" I exclaimed.

_She always was - and so were you, I was actually shocked the first time you two fell in love, I was always convince you _hated _each other. _He shrugged.

I couldn't help but smile, _my _Bella.

Carlisle came and sat by me.

_You've done it once, I'm sure you are capable of doing it again. _

"But I've already done it! She should remember! What if I cant this time around!?"

Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder.

_If she was giver her heart to you before, I'm sure she would wish to do it again. Just don't lose your temper, you bet I remember how you two constantly fought, so far it looks like you tow have not changed a bit, but it got better in the end. _

No - I don't think so either.

"Did you have to kiss her though?" I groaned, half whined. I was bombarded by the sensations from both Carlisle's and Bella's minds, I growled and he just chuckled.

_An experiment. _He mused.

_If you don't remember - that's how your whole possessive streak started the first time around, you were furious, as you were today, perhaps if we repeat some of the event from the past, then we can awaken some of her memories. Intentionally that might help her fall in love with you a second time. _He reasoned.

"Sounds plausible I guess, but I still want to kill you." I sighed in defeat. He had a point.

He chuckled. _I'm sure you'll get over it, you forgot that I have not found a lover as you have, that is hwy you cant let her go so easily like you have in the past. Fate is giving you a second chance. _

"I thought you didn't believe in fate." I looked up, he shrugged.

"A figure of speech if you will, what would've I said otherwise?"

I would've answered, but we both heard a crash echo through the house. We both shot out of the room and into Bella's old room.

"What's going on?" we both rushed in.

The room was all in shambles, the bed destroyed, down covering the whole room, our eyes followed the whole length of her room - the armoire  
had been smashed to the floor, the couches and lounge chairs we had purchased together were all smashed in, the embroidered flowers and cherry blossoms that had been shipped in from Japan were no longer visible form the shredded silks. The drapes had been torn and thrown carelessly across the room, the walls scratched and ruin as if an animal had found its way in.

All the memories of Bella and I, in this room working to make it perfect to her tastes seemed tarnished as well - a long with the room. As if she had torn through my memories and destroyed as many as she could find, along with this.

"My god." Carlisle expressed, shuffling through the room.

A sharp pain shot down my spine.

She had loved this room, she called it her sanctuary, where she could relax and read or do whatever, her bed, now shredded and destroyed, was where we had first made love.

The torn sheets told me that she could careless of that memory even is she didn't remember. It was almost like she had shoved it in my face. And was she now?

Bella, _my _Bella, was gone.

And perhaps she would never return.

* * *

**Yes, I am alive, just certain events happened that really took away my desire to write any fanfic, I will hopefully update Impossible soon. **

**To explain in short I basically just turned out like Jacob in a love triangle I just want to get out of, I, ending up with the short end of the stick. I almost turned to Team Jacob because I understand how he feels, and how much it sucks, but obviously I didn't, here's an update, I hope you like.**

**Song: **

**2-1 by Imogen Heap.**

**Review, please & thank you. **


	4. Chapter 4

**BPOV**

Memories.

Were they?

As they talked I had looked through the room I chose with an unfathomable reason, a feeling as if I simply _had_ to choose this room. Image after image had burned through my mind, all to the point where I couldn't take it anymore.

I grew mad as they kept appearing.

_Him._ He was everywhere, and I couldn't escape it, him. Our naked forms on the bed, intimately, a tangle of limbs, relaxing on the couches, and lounge chairs the amour, dresser, closet, and mirror.

_Everything._

The images burned and flamed until I grew mad.

They had to go, they had to stop, I couldn't take it.

I ripped and tore and thrashed through everything until the pictures no longer came until they no longer existed in my mind.

And so – I fled, I had to get away from this place.

From them. Him.

The forest, I would go there.

There weren't any memories in the dirt, not images in the trees, no pictures in the grass, leaves, and the moss.

Nothing.

I let out a mental sigh as I collapsed on the damp spongy moss and flora. They wouldn't find me here. I would flee – I had been a nomad for a time, I could do it again.

I needed to get away, away from the memories, the images that would just not stop, that mercilessly pressed on after another, forcing themselves into my brain, branding into the tissue, pressing. It was madness. I was turning mad.

I couldn't _remember._ And yet, there was this unknown force pressing me to think back, urgent, consistent, determined and never ending, begging and demanding.

Even though it hurt to think, to try.

I curled into myself with dry sobs, my chest bursting and heaving my shoulders aching with the force of them. My whole frame ached, purging this damnation from skull, bone, tissue, and muscle.

"Are you lost?"

Who was that? Did I look alright? Did I look misplaced? I sure felt like it.

Then it hit me, rust and salt, coppery sweet and tangy, thick, metallic, delicious.

Blood.

Food.

_Warmth._

Without a thought I, striked.

My teeth sinking into the too soft, too vulnerable flesh. Finding the thickest artery, I drank sweet hot liquid flooding and smoothing down my throat, I groaned – the memories fleeting, it was only this. The hunt, I was a vampire; I was only here to feed, to survive, nothing else. To kill was my only purpose. To be damned.

But the same color of blood. His eyes.

I drank more furiously; the humans cries died as his body slowly limped against mine, the warmth becoming mine, filling my muscles and limbs.

And too soon, it ran dry.

I groaned and threw the dead carcass to the ground, useless to me now. More, I wanted more.

_Bella, you know better not to feed when you're not hungry._

Not _him._

I pounded my fists to my temples.

"Get out of my head." I cried, willing and pleading for the voices and images to leave.

No one behind the tree trunks, no one.

I collapsed to the ground, the lone hiker forgotten.

I tore my fingers through my too soft, too silky, too perfect hair. I was too perfect, I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't exist. I looked angelic for the devil that lies beneath.

The pain was too unbearable someone should die for this amount of agony, the dead human had no idea how lucky he was, they could die they could leave this world so easily.

Soft arms enveloped my trembling form and my dry sobs grew, I didn't deserve to be treated with tenderness and care.

"Don't touch me, don't touch me," I sobbed into the frame, "Kill me," I cried over and over.

"Please kill me."

"No," was the frame's only answer.

At this I cried harder, even my caretaker wasn't kind enough to end myself, to take me from this insufferable existence.

**EPOV**

I was ready to start a fight to unleash the anger building inside me. How dare this Bella tear everything up, everything I had left of the old Bella.

But when I saw her crumpled up and broken on the blood soaked grass, sobbing uncontrollably I was reminded of my Bella, my anger dissipating instantly.

I realized the New Bella, and the Old Bella, were both the same, they were both still mine, I was attached to either one, unbreakable chains binding me to her forever; there was nothing that could tear me from her, even myself. There was nothing that could ever take me from this place, from this stance of protecting and comforting my beloved.

It reminded me how small and fragile I used to think of her as.

She yelled and cried out to me to end her life, I simple could not. I was purely a selfless and creature, and couldn't bring it upon myself to take away the only reason I had for surviving. My insides tore apart, much like how she had torn our room apart.

"No," I whispered simply.

Bella pounded her fists against me, and I let her, I deserved so much more than her weak agonizing blows. I looked over to the dead human on our right and sighed.

"Bella," I breathed, shaking my head, not in disappointment but sorrow.

I stood, her cries never ceasing, oh Bella, what could I do?

It felt like an eternity as she wept, I had taken her to a different room, and now hours later, she had not moved an inch, minus her heaving shoulders as her hoarse, dry sobs erupted from her frame as they echoed throughout the whole house, haunting in its sound.

"I cannot stand this much longer." I grounded, pacing Carlisle's study.

"You must let her be, let her flush these emotions out of her conscious and she should be ready to move on."

_Should, and will are very different concepts Carlisle._

I wished he could read my thoughts for once.

"I don't want her to move on, I want her to remember, I want her to love me, unconditionally, like she once had."

"Hush," Carlisle snapped.

_You cannot always have what you want, this is what it is, and you must stay in control, if you don't then who will? You must stay collected, for her sake, not for your own, hers, everything you do from now on will be for her that was the problem you didn't realize the first time around. _He scolded in his mind.

I glowered, "You think I don't know that? I would do anything for her! I would first give my life then have hers come to any harm! She needs to see that! What else is the definition of love? _That_ is one thing you have not yet experienced." By his sigh I knew I hit way below the belt.

"Carlisle…"

_Don't bother, for my sake even, its hurtful for me to see you two so miserable – even for my well being I need you to fix this. _He sighed, flipping through a page of one of many of his extensive medical texts.

I tried to apologize but then another sob cut through the air and sighed, my insides shredding even more by my monstrosities.

"I have to go to her." I urged, but he just rolled his eyes.

_Even that should be a no brainer for you go to her then; I've been waiting through the past few hours for you to realize this._

I left the room without saying anything else and in a mere second I was through the door and in her new room. Her soft form reduced to sniffles upon the duvet.

"Bella," I whispered, crest fallen. I approached the bed, letting my weight set into the mattress, her muscles automatically freezing and locking up, coiling by my presence, her cries instantly silent."

"Go away," she threatened, her beautiful voice hoarse and thick.

But it was short lived as I pulled her into me without resistance.

"No," I murmured, much like I had in the woods.

But to my dismay, she didn't accept it; she shoved me away, standing from the bed.

"Are you daft! I want you to leave me be!" she threw her hands in the air, I stayed where I was – she had said the same thing when I had laid her on this bed not four hours ago. I wouldn't budge this time.

"I can't leave you alone when you've been sobbing this whole time." I insisted sincerely.

"Then I will leave, if I'm such a nuisance."

I sighed, "You aren't, and that's my point."

Bella shook her head stubbornly, a dry sob escaping.

I stood up, making it perfectly clear that I was about to approach her without a word I rounded the bed and wrapped my arms tightly around her, her frame trembling.

"Everyone needs comfort." I stated.

For a moment her body relaxed, melting and molding to mine, her forehead resting against my shoulder, the feeling intoxicating and enveloping, so familiar. But just as quickly she pulled away.

"I can't not from you, not from all this." Her arms motioning no to the room, but to everything, I couldn't hold in my anger this time. My hands squeezed into fists at my sides, not going unnoticed by her.

"Are you such a coward to where you can't confront your own past!" I growled, taking a menacing step forward, but she just took one back.

"I don't remember my past." She snarled back.

One step forward from me one backward from her.

"You don't? Or you just refuse to." I concluded.

I felt so frustrated and so aggravated, this was the creature I loved, that I would always love and it felt as if she were laughing at me, throwing it back in my face and claiming she couldn't remember all the things we had experienced together, what we had to begin with.

"I can't feel something now – just because I did then, things change, people change."

"Humans change, but we don't and the way you have been living, makes you definitely not human." I yell.

Then, a strike, her sharp nails going to my face causing a venomous slash across my cheek a yell empting from my lips, the pain cutting through the left side of my face and down my spine as if hitting ever live nerve that registers pain.

I fell to the ground my hand shooting to the gash.

She stalked over but I jumped tearing my own fingers across the granite skin of her arm, her voice crying out in agony and I froze suddenly, realizing the extent to what I had just done blind with so much rage, pain and anger. I gawked collapsing roughly to the ground by sheer shock.

_Is this the kind of action you do to the one you love!_

Carlisle's shout filled my mind, as he stormed through the room past me and to a whimpering Bella she had staggered back, propping herself against the wall. The level of anger and disappointment in his stare surprised me into utter silence, against a comeback or any given answer. I had _never_ seen that expression on his face before; I had never even seen mild anger. My eyes trailed down her right arm and jerked in a grimace, I had done much more damage then she had inflicted upon me.

"Are you satisfied now?" he exclaimed in contempt filling the silent space between us, his thoughts worse.

_How could you? What were you think? Bella? Will this help anything? Look what you have done! How will this help? _What _will this accomplish?_

Guilt filled me so surely that if I still had a reflex to vomit I would have. I was so _sick_ of myself. The pain on my face amounted to nothing anymore.

_I have never felt so ashamed of you Edward. _

And that was the worst.

Of all the control I had worked so hard on achieving, perhaps all the respect I had gained with Carlisle, if there was any ground with Bella that I had gained, it was all lost on me now. I staggered erect, taking a step forward, causing Carlisle to jerk his glare up to me from Bella's arm. Before I could take another towards them, Carlisle quickly protested,

"Edward – I think it best you leave." Carlisle actually growled deep within his chest, not even when he hunted, not even when he had given himself over to his instincts did he do this. I left and ran, and sprinted into the woods, never looking back as I fled.

**BPOV**

I snatched the hand that dare touch me, especially now, especially now that my arm would not stop burning.

Burning. I was burning all over again.

My eyes shot open to see silver-cornflake hair, my body tensing anyway.

"Shh, you need your rest." My muscles relaxed slightly to the soft tender voice, my eye trailing down to see Carlisle tending to the gash on my right forearm.

I winced as he poked and prodded.

"It's deep – so it'll take a little longer to heal, even for someone like us. Don't strain any other part of your body let it all heal itself in its own way," he concluded, standing up. "And perhaps we'll go hunting later on, blood will help tremendously – animal, I'm afraid," he added – reading my thoughts.

I huffed, human blood sounded too appealing. I leaned back in the lounge couch my eyes closing in mental exhaustion.

Could vampires get migraines?

I was well on my way to developing one.

"He was only angry," Carlisle began.

"A lot of people do unspeakable things in their anger – a lot worse than this," I huffed. But then he shook his head in argument – I groaned was this the time?

"You weren't helping," he chastened, standing up from his kneeling position in front of me on the couch.

"He just presumes that I'll run into his arms and breakdown, pathetically expressing that 'I was just so lost without him,'" I exclaimed. "Arrogant – blocked headed males are hardly attractive, he should know that – I won't bend over just because an 'image' I'm not ever sure is real," I added.

"It is real," Carlisle countered.

"If I knew you were going to side with him on all this then I wouldn't have wasted my unneeded breath."

Carlisle lifted his palms in defense.

"Don't scold me because I'm trying to straddle the fence here sweet." I growled at the pet name he taunted me with, I definitely was _not _sweet, I'm sure Edward would agree.

"Tread lightly – you might get chaff with your effort." I halfheartedly forewarned playing along.

My eyes drifted closed as he made his leave, shutting the door behind him. My arm arched, attempting to repair itself in inhuman speed – apparently having injury. I had never really fought many vampires – let alone getting hurt.

It was a first.

One I didn't plan on repeating anytime soon.

* * *

What was the point?

Did anyone really need all this luxury?

No, of course not, that's why all these humans wanted them.

The furnishings, the colors – all shades and hues and tints and shadows, all fabrics, vinyl, silk, cotton, all gold's and silvers and bronze, all light blues and deeps reds. Bright yellows and dark evergreen.

Bronze.

The preferred smells, perfumes – scents, flowers, musk's, tickling my over sensitive nostrils, almost maddening in their strength.

Musk. Evergreens. Fresh.

After all – it was so much easier to spend my time taking in the scenery then concentrating on my own thoughts. I wouldn't be able to take it. My wound had long since healed the sun setting beyond our sight. The harsh light no longer penetrating the air.

How much longer would I be expected to fuckin' stay?

Being attacked and cooped up through the day weren't exactly the things I wanted to do during the unending life of my immortality. I blew the tendrils of hair off my face, my feet shuffling continuously against the hard wood floor, cold and drafty in the large room.

"Would you calm yourself?"

I jumped and arched forward – my muscles instantly coiling in an expected and readied attack.

I sighed, just Carlisle, straitening my back immediately.

"What would you have me do?" I huffed in impatience, I was bored beyond recognition. Carlisle stepped in – not bothering to shut the door behind him.

"You saw the extent of the books I have in the study, you could read perhaps?" he inquired, tilting his head to the side, his blonde hair a sheet of silver sunlight in the shadow of the moon.

I nodded with heavy breath of air.

What the hell. Why not?

I followed him to his office, naturally.

"Would you mind if I finished up some work while you picked a volume?"

I shrugged, thrown off by the manner of question.

"Sure, it's your office, house, by all means." I motioned to the desk.

It didn't take long to find what I was looking for.

Charlotte.

I never did get to finish her book.

I made myself comfortable on the lounge.

Now – where was I?

Time ticked by.

"You must know – his guilt and regret are both overwhelming him."

My head lifted after finishing a chapter.

"Pardon?" I wondered.

Carlisle's butterscotch eyes never left the script he was reading.

"He's even wondering whether or not he should return." He continued with fraud indifference.

I snorted, "By all means- this is both of yours house after all –who would I be to run him out? If anyone should leave, it should be me, willing." I answered honestly.

He seemed to mull this statement over with genuine curiosity, as everything is with Carlisle.

"Of course we wouldn't want to throw you out, what kind of hosts would we be if that were to occur? What kind of Sire would Edward be? If he were to abandon you?"

That heated my blood.

"Abandon? He already has, I ran willingly, how many years has it been? I think that answers your question already, abandonment." I scoffed at the word. Carlisle registering he said the wrong thing, wording his next statement carefully, slowly.

"Edward, was the one who suggested you stay, he relies on your stay strongly he does, what do you conclude of this?" he asked curiously, eyeing my fidgeting hands.

He chuckled at my silence moving to a different topic.

"I see your arm healed well – and I am relieved it has believe me I will scold him once he gets back." Carlisle promised a mischievous spark in his eye.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

We were able to hear his approaching steps a few meters east in the quiet forest in the dark night. Timid, slow, but still determined.

"I hope your prepared for that scolding." I grumbled.

He laughed, the spark back, "Always am."

* * *

_**Impossible should be up soon.**_

_**We'll see.**_

_**Hope you guys enjoyed.**_

_**Thanks.  
**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, it has been a long time since I last updated this, so whoever is still out there and with me. **

**Here you go **

**and  
**

***Enjoy***

* * *

**EPOV**

Human's weren't the only ones to make idiotic mistakes. And that was an understatement. I couldn't bring myself to return the same night. So instead I fled to lick at the own wounds I deserved.

For how I had been acting.

For my temper.

For not bothering to seek her out sooner.

For losing her in the first place.

Perhaps she had moved on, perhaps my feelings were indeed one sided.

Everything she had done so far just emphasized those truths.

And I hadn't really been helping her along like Carlisle had suggested.

Of course I had to learn the hard way that it would most likely be in my best interest to listen to his advice. A heavy unneeded sigh left my lips, the cold temperature of my breath mixing with the air, blending in instead of leaving a fog of warmth like a blooded human.

They were welcoming - _we _were repulsive.

Which described me perfectly at the moment.

Everything always seemed to blow up in my fucking face. All the mistakes and regrets all the guilt everything I could've possibly done wrong, this only adding to the list.

I could never do anything right.

Here I was, wandering aimlessly with no location in mind - lost in the dense forest, engulfed with self-pity hiding myself form everything else.

Perhaps I would go back.

The question was when?

But first things first.

Blood.

Deer. Fawn.

Animalistic instincts first, human emotions later.

My lithe fingers smoothed over the newly repaired 'skin' no signs of assault to the human eye at least, there was a scar, something to force me to remember.

I'm sure Bella had one also.

I would most likely find out being I was meters away from the house, Carlisle was already aware of my arrival.

_Tread lightly. _

I rolled my eyes.

Carlisle was already at the door when I made my way up the front steps, anxiety pulsing through him, wafting off him in waves.

"I want to see her."

_Oh - don't waste yourself with formalities please. _

"Hello." Was his only reply.

_Ugh- I should've left sooner. _

I started - looking behind Carlisle, expecting to see her standing behind him, but - nothing.

"What?" he asked, alarmed noticing my confused, but alert expression.

_I guess I could jump out the window - not like the drop would kill me. _

I listened to her _thoughts. _

I could hear her!

How?

"Where is she?" I asked Carlisle, brushing past him and into the front hallway.

_Jesus do they not know I can hear them?_

I jumped again at the next racing thought. Intrigued.

Even though her thoughts were frustrated and hateful and scolding.

I could _hear _her.

_Edward, please tell me what it is. _

I turned around to face a very curious but a little irritated Carlisle.

"I can hear her." I whispered.

_Shit. Am I being that loud?_

I winced, I needed to have this conversation somewhere she couldn't hear us.

Recognition dawned on him - good I didn't have to elaborate further.

_How is that possible? _He pondered curiously, shutting the door. _Something must've caused her to trigger the shield without knowing what she was doing - unconsciously letting her defenses down._ He concurred, trying to figure it out for himself.

Yes - it would make sense.

The fight. _The fight. _We both thought.

It was the most previous event, since I'd last seen her.

_Now if only…_

I looked up at the stairs in alarm, Carlisle following my gaze, I motioned for him to go to her room - she was about ready to leave and she wasn't about to listen to me if I told her to stay.

I begged him with my eyes and he nodded.

_God knows how much you owe me. _

"Oh - you love it." I threw at his retreating form.

I paced through the sitting room, listening to the conversation/argument that was taking place upstairs - able to hear both side arguments and thoughts.

"Why should I?" _How could he ask this of me?_

I felt both anger and sadness at the sound of her distaste - after all we had been passionate lovers once - it was both aggravating and confusing to be seeing, feeling and hearing polar opposites from the creature you loved and spend decades with.

"Don't you find it more fulfilling to interact with others such as yourself? Why choose remaining a nomad, in isolation when you have another outlet, a change in lifestyle?"

_I'm trying Edward._

He could probably feel my tension from upstairs making me realize just how strong I wanted her to stay. Of course I did, she was my mate.

"By what you say, I've already liven this 'lifestyle' and by the looks of it, it didn't keep my interest." She argued bitterly, I could picture her through Carlisle's eyes crossing her arm under her breasts, feigning a stubborn stance. Oh - I had seen my fare share of that same pose.

I paced, gazing down at the detailed grain of the wood at my feet, the waiting was just infuriating.

_Ugh, I want to get out of here, I just want to leave all of this behind, it's all been so…unsettling. _

"Stay with us, if only for a while, will you give this place a chance? Am I so irritating to where you have no choice but to leave?" he smirked.

I growled. Damn you Carlisle. He just chuckled.

_Oh Edward, how possessive you are. _

A memory flashed, and it took me a while to realize it was playing through Bella's mind, it wasn't created through mine.

It was of her and I and the time not long after I had changed her, lips fleshed over.

But the memory was snuffed out as fast as it came, by Bella no doubt.

"Bella?" I heard Carlisle ask in concern.

That was it. I had to climb the stairs, she _knew _she _remembered _she remembered us.

I strode into the room to see Bella stagger to the lounge chair Carlisle flashing to her aid.

_A memory? _Carlisle inquired as Bella scraped at her temples. I silently nodded to confirm.

"You remember." I accused, bursting through the door, my temper once again flaring out of hand. I ignored Carlisle's threatening stare, warning me to drop it.

Like hell I was.

My fists clenched - Bella glaring up at me.

"And you continue to play dumb, you refuse to at least acknowledge what we had." I growled.

I couldn't help but be furious, my love wouldn't even admit that we had loved, that I had declared my love and that she had confessed hers.

"I don't remember," she grumbled, throwing daggers.

_Carlisle must be wrong, why should I stay? I'll only end up being smothered or ripped apart, his wish in my staying is one sided - why would I want to stay in this house when I'm not even liked by one of it's occupants? _

Wait - she was considering it? I hadn't caught that thought. Her stare shot through me, gripping my skin and pulling me in, I had to convince her to stay.

But just like that, her mind closed, slammed - all her thoughts blocked from me once again.

I sighed.

And I knew, if there was any possibility in her staying I had to stay away from her - at least now and the beginning until I could figure out a way otherwise.

Carlisle knew this too.

_My study_.

I took one last look in her direction to see her looking somewhere else, anywhere else but me.

I left in defeat, patience was my only ally now, if I even had any to begin with.

**BPOV**

Ireland.

France.

Germany.

Italy.

Spain.

Africa.

Japan.

Taiwan.

Even the States.

I had been to them all, staying respectable amounts of time but I hadn't been to England. At first I was reluctant but as I moved to London and incorporated myself into the city and its 'daily life' posing as a human I found myself the closest thing to comfortable I had ever reached.

I felt like I belonged.

An odd thing to say since I most certainly did not belong with humans.

But I felt at ease by the ancient cobblestone streets in the old districts of the city, so packed full of history. Some days I found myself following unknown paths that still felt familiar as if I had a certain 'arrant' to run, a purpose, a destination.

Of course I didn't, I was only walking down a simple random street I had no interest in. At least I tried to convince myself of such things. I had stayed a month and now I seemed trapped in an empty mansion - with two occupants yes - but empty all the same.

Carlisle had told me I was 'born' in London, explaining my feelings from the very beginning. Why I felt the familiarity, the certain déjà vu.

Other then that he told me very little of the past I couldn't remember to speak the truth. Honestly I was terrified I'd soon remember as if damning me to this place. I had every intention in leaving, invisible chains pinning me to this floor forcing me to stay for some unwanted - unknown reason.

How much time had passed?

I wasn't sure.

Would I stay?

If I could leave I would.

A knock on the door sounded, I grunted.

Why bother with pleasantries and formalities?

_A flash of bronze in the doorway and a flash cut itself through my mind, the same mop of hair - streaming through my fingers, resting on my breasts…between my legs…_

I gasped pushing the intense images out of my head, my brain throbbing.

"Did I frighten you?" A smug smile forming as he mused the possibility.

I wanted to strangle him all too badly.

I stared at him, speechless unable to say anything. But I glared at his smirk.

"No, you didn't _frighten me._" There good, we'll start there.

He stepped into the room, a predatory growl building in my throat.

"Oh Bella, it has been two weeks surely, we can act civil towards one another?" he scolded.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

He strolled closer.

"Carlisle's at work." he added with a smile, as if reading the questions I had asked myself.

_As he approached, another image appeared in my head, but less provocative, it was me, laughing with - Edward. I watched on with curiosity as the sun bathed my hair, my skin luminous in shine. My laugh almost something completely foreign. _

My vision was restored and I looked up at Edward, he had approached my form seated; his expression expectant and then I realized.

I jumped up and across the room in alarm.

"Stop that." I demanded.

"Why?" he asked, pleased, his hands folded patiently behind his back as he continued to approach me.

"I - " I was cut off when another one assaulted me.

_It was him and I, in this very room, me sitting in the lounge Edward's head resting on my lap as my fingers weaved through that hair talking pleasantly. _

"No." I said again, my eyes shooting open to see him in front of me, flinching in surprise. As he engulfed me senses, my mind I felt weak and vulnerable aggravated at myself. His muddy brown eyes pierced through my flesh, more images appearing.

_A tangle of limbs, glacier pants filling the room, quiet whimpers and promises in murmurs. Declaration and wants. The battle of wills and desires. _

The urgency engulfed me - panic filling me, as if my heart would start pounding against my ribcage in any moment. Primal needs, something I had felt in desperate others but never myself. My eyes opened once again, Edward staring me down, expecting something from these.

He growled and another followed.

_Warm and soft lips, engulfing and encompassing, taking and receiving smooth and urgent hard and rough, tender and passionate. _

But the images became reality, my eyes popping open in alarm, with physical contact, the images became more fierce more livid and clear.

The feelings he had put inside my head I could feel now, they felt stronger, more prominent, I tried to shove him away but he bombarded my mind with pictures and acts and memories as if paralyzing my limbs.

His kisses were feverish and hungry, igniting the spark that failed to light when I had kissed Carlisle, in no way had it felt like this. His palms cradled my head and I let him, I let him weave his fingers in my hair, a memory flashing through my mind of him doing the same exact action.

Flames burst forth in my mouth, his tongue pushed through. He tasted so…wonderful. I jerked as a groan erupted from his chest, surprised and taken aback by the strong and powerful stab that had cut through my body by the sound. I was startled to open my eyes to see his watching my face as we kissed. He had led me to the bed a gasp left my lips as his frame hovered over me, a warmth blossoming in my dead, cold body awakening heat within.

Everything was too much, the emotions swirling in the air between us the urgent feelings coursing through me, passionate memories he kept projecting through my mind.

Everything was too powerful, too much.

And I felt…frightened, I felt absolutely terrified.

How could I feel things such as these, so strongly my first time experiencing them?

The concept scared me. _Me._

And as his kisses increases in intensity, his pelvis resting against mine and as his hands rested on either side of my head on the mattress panic filled my limbs. The muscles locking up as I gave up my pride for the one thing I seemed to only have.

Self-preservation. I begged.

"Please stop."

All this was too much. Too powerful. So overwhelming.

I couldn't take it.

All this made me feel so vulnerable and open, it made me feel so lowly. I couldn't look that way that was a feeling I couldn't stand. I felt unworthy of my own self I felt inadequate to my fulfillment. I felt insecure. I felt exposed.

"Please." I pled.

I felt so small pressed under him like this.

The memories ceased.

A small gasp escaping as I took in the dilation to his pupils darker then I had ever seen before. Hurt crept up on him and for once that's something I couldn't stand. I reached for his face but pain only intensified in his eyes by my touch.

He lifted himself off me, running his hands through his hair furiously. I scooted back on the bed, wrapping my arms around my middle to try and stop the burning there.

"Don't do that again." I murmured resting my chin on my knees as I brought my legs up to my chest.

A snort escaped, "I don't understand you, how weird the mind works." he growled the last part. My eyes drifted closed and for once, I felt fatigued.

Mentally.

Like I should be.

He continued to pace as I sat on the bed, what a bizarre period of time it seemed to be as the day grew longer and darker, the sun starting to fall outside the balcony windows.

He snorted again.

"And the only time you seem weak is in front of me - why is that? It has always been that way."

He finally turned and approached, anxiety reaching my throat, without hesitation he brought his face mere inches away from mine and I found my hands trembling, an unknown fear clawing its way up my throat - inhibiting me to speak.

The same alien warmth blossomed as his smoldering gaze held mine, his potent breath fanning across my skin - it was intoxicating.

And I was afraid.

He chuckled humorlessly.

"See? I can't explain it, and by the looks…you can't either." he concluded, to my torture moving his lips to my ear, but I was glued in place my body could just not comply that I wanted it to move.

"Ah - your trembling." He whispered his breath hot and moist against the shell of my ear. I shivered and gasped as his fangs grazed the lobe, scraping sensuously against the skin.

"I - "I staggered not knowing how to respond.

I looked down to see his fists clenched, tight and pale strong tendons pulled taught under the flesh of his knuckles. My mind drifted to when we first met how he had lashed out and reacted, would he be the same in bed? Now?

What happened to the tenderness and passion he had showed me in the memories? Visions?

I was shaking and I was appalled by my bodies reactions that in no way I could control.

"What, Bella?" His voice lowering an octave, moving around me in thick and creamy waves, enveloping me, both of us in the empty room. He was dazzlingly _me. _A vampire just like him.

"Say something." He continued softly, his lips sucking kisses to my neck, his sharp teeth scraping across the skin, biting and nibbling lightly in irregular patterns. An almost painful jolt coursing through me every time he did.

All this was so new, but my body knew his lips, knew his teeth, my fingers knew the copper tint and feel of his hair, my legs knew the curve of his waist and hips, his calves, my lips knew his chest and abs and it yearned for the prolonged urge to be joined again. A very known feeling and carving that needed to be quenched.

The warmth curled and almost seemed to explode, engulfing my whole frame as if my chest would burst just by the sensation. I gasped, emotions swirling inside my gut, filling my throat causing my marble stone skin to tingle.

But as I was about to speak, he jerked away all at once as if I were poison, filth an unwanted creature, and I wasn't prepared for the amount of dread and sadness hit me.

I had never known rejection.

All the frilly fuzzy and warm feelings were quickly extinguished, no longer existent.

Then I heard the click of a door.

Honey, silver and butterscotch.

Carlisle.

"Edward." his voice clipped and hard.

I managed a glare as he dare look at me. He had no business being in my room alone especially while Carlisle was away.

My mind finally able to clear, to see reality and reason.

Carlisle must've noticed the state of mind I was in - he smiled softly as Edward walked out silently, leaving me alone to soak in the previous events.

What - just happened?

* * *

**Hope you guys enjoyed.**

**Till next time. **


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